Friday, February 26, 2010
Dang, I miss Zaf alot. Hope she's doing fine in Australia.
Sometimes, I feel really tired, almost as if I can possibly give everything up. Other times, I hold on tightly to what’s left of myself, hoping to piece my life back together from where I last let it fall apart.
I don’t know, really. It’s hard, being envious at the others, who never had to face this. In mourning or in grieve, I was always placed in a situation whereby I’m forced to conceal and hold back all that I’ve been needing to say, which I know wouldn’t even last 10minutes.
All that I needed in times like these, was a moment of your time to sit and listen to everything that I had to say. You may call me crazy and spout vulgarities at me at the end of it all, but at the end of the day, that someone no longer exists in my mind, what more in my heart.
I often wondered what it’d feel like to be bumping into him after a couple of years, like the other privileged girls. Would their heart skip a beat just like the first time? Would their knees turn to jelly? Would their minds go blank?
Well, obviously, I wouldn’t know. Because right now, my heart which was once beating for him, now beats for someone else. My legs which used to wobble at the sight of him, now stands strong to be with someone else. And my mind which was once filled with thoughts of him, are now filled with thoughts of my future with someone else.
And you would never have thought about that, would you?
But, is this love? Because I’m beginning to get tired. Really, really tired.
Sometimes, I feel really tired, almost as if I can possibly give everything up. Other times, I hold on tightly to what’s left of myself, hoping to piece my life back together from where I last let it fall apart.
I don’t know, really. It’s hard, being envious at the others, who never had to face this. In mourning or in grieve, I was always placed in a situation whereby I’m forced to conceal and hold back all that I’ve been needing to say, which I know wouldn’t even last 10minutes.
All that I needed in times like these, was a moment of your time to sit and listen to everything that I had to say. You may call me crazy and spout vulgarities at me at the end of it all, but at the end of the day, that someone no longer exists in my mind, what more in my heart.
I often wondered what it’d feel like to be bumping into him after a couple of years, like the other privileged girls. Would their heart skip a beat just like the first time? Would their knees turn to jelly? Would their minds go blank?
Well, obviously, I wouldn’t know. Because right now, my heart which was once beating for him, now beats for someone else. My legs which used to wobble at the sight of him, now stands strong to be with someone else. And my mind which was once filled with thoughts of him, are now filled with thoughts of my future with someone else.
And you would never have thought about that, would you?
But, is this love? Because I’m beginning to get tired. Really, really tired.